Thursday, October 10, 2013

Why Should I Worry?

I am finally starting to get into a good routine with my babies, and Levi is finally starting to sleep for longer stretches at night, which is definitely helping me have more energy to do things like blogging. Right now both Jackie and Levi are taking their afternoon nap, yay for kids sleeping at the same time!  That usually never happens, haha! Anyway, I thought I'd take this time to give an update on my friend k, I'm sad to say the last few months have been extremely hard on her.

Just a quick recap! K found out she was expecting in mid-July after doing a FET cycle. We were just ecstatic to find out this news! K and her husband were cautiously optimistic though because if you remember her second IVF was successful, but it resulted in a miscarriage. It's crazy to think how much time has passed since then, I was about 6 months pregnant with Jackie when K lost her first little one. Unfortunately, this pregnancy was not meant to be either. About a week after k had taken a home pregnancy test she had a massive bleed. After going to the ER and having everything confirmed by her RE, it was determined she had been carrying twins and lost one. She was devastated by this news, but she was relieved that there was at least one baby still in her. She continued to bleed like crazy, her RE assured her all the blood was coming from the mass in her uterus, but I think deep down she knew the pregnancy wasn't going to make it. Several ultrasounds showed a gestational sac and a fetal pole but no heartbeat. K had an ultrasound on her birthday and she told me that day that all she wanted for her birthday was to see a heartbeat! She texted me right after her appointment to say that there was no growth, she was measuring over a week behind, and there still was no heartbeat. My heart instantly broke for her, and all I could do was pray for God to comfort her. She did not need to have an d&c this time, she was given cytotec to complete the miscarriage. Thankfully she has a strong faith in God and that has helped her so much with getting through this difficult time. She has told me several times that even though we may not understand why this happened, she does know God has a plan for her life. And of course, most importantly, she knows she will see her babies in heaven one day! That is probably her greatest comfort.

Every time I talk with her or we get together I am just amazed at how well she is handling everything. Even after I had Levi she insisted on coming over for a visit. I was very anxious about her coming over because at that point we knew that the baby inside her had not made it, and I was nervous that she would break down when she saw Levi. I kept trying to assure her that I would not be mad if she couldn't handle seeing my newborn, but she came anyway. We had a good visit, she didn't ask to hold Levi and I couldn't bring myself to ask her. She just kept telling me over and over again how beautiful he is. After she left I held both my babies for a long time and I wept and prayed for her. I don't know what to say to her most days. Yesterday we were talking and her adenomyosis and endometriosis are causing her so much pain that she has officially scheduled her hysterectomy for sometime in November. Her and her husband have 5 frozen embryos and they have decided to move onto surrogacy. I told her I would carry her a baby in a heartbeat, and I wouldn't charge her a penny for doing it but I don't meet the qualifications by a long shot. You would think that she would be freaking out about her surgery, or if they will have enough embryos, or how they will find and pay for a surrogate, but she isn't! She is at peace with all her decisions, and she keeps telling me that she's not gonna worry about a single thing. She knows God is in control and whatever is in His will to happen will. And she is absolutely right! Why should we worry about things we can't control?  I'm so thankful to know that when trials come in life that we have a savior who will comfort us and help us until the storm is over. Then one great day when this life is over we shall spend eternity with Him and loved ones in heaven where there shall be no more pain or tears. What a great day that will be!

If you find yourself in the middle of a great trial like my friend K, I'd like to encourage you to watch this video. You might have noticed that most of the time when I post a video it is this group, The Dixons, singing. I love them! They are such a wonderful godly family, and in this video Jared shares his sister Ashlyn's testimony from when she lost her twin boys at 25 weeks gestation to twin to twin transfusion syndrome.


  1. My kids rarely sleep at the same time, especially the twins! It's like they are destined to be different from the beginning.

  2. That is very true! Some days I get lucky and both kids sleep at the same time, but it is rare. Usually what happens is as soon as one falls asleep the other one wakes up, it can be very overwhelming! But I try to remind myself that they won't be this little forever.