Tuesday, December 10, 2013

It Is Well With My Soul

I'm so sorry I have been MIA! It has been a very hectic and emotional past few weeks, and I have literally had no time to blog. I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

The Saturday after Thanksgiving, I received a phone call from my mom asking me to pray for my grandmother (we call her nanny). She said Nanny was found passed out on her couch, she had lost control of her bladder and bowels, and at that time the doctors were saying they believed she had a stroke and a heart attack, and they thought she had some kind of infection. Things were not looking good at first, and the doctors had told us to prepare for the worst.This all came as a complete shock to all of us! You see, my grandfather died when I was about 13 years old, and since then, my grandmother has been completely independent. She is 86 years old and she has had some minor health troubles this year, but nothing that was too serious. So, to hear that she had a heart attack and a stroke out of the blue was devastating to my entire family.

Finally, on Monday I was able to get to the hospital to see her. My mom had been in to see Nanny, and she told me that thankfully she was doing better. She was trying to move, and she was able to speak some, but she was very confused, and basically she had no idea who anybody was or what was going on. I was completely dreading seeing my Nanny in this state, I tried my best to prepare myself for what she might look like or how she might act when I would see her. I've worked in nursing for years, and I used to take care of elderly people, so I thought I would be ok. Well, all those years of experience didn't help me one bit! I was able to keep from crying, but for a few moments when I first walked in, I really thought I was gonna lose it. My strong, independent Nanny, was now this tiny, slumped over little lady who could barely move or talk. My Aunt Cathy happened to be there (thank God) and she was able to keep the mood light in the room. The toughest part for me was when my Aunt asked my Nanny if she knew who I was, and Nanny said no, she had no idea. It broke my heart to watch her search my face trying to recognize me, but she just couldn't remember me. I felt so guilty leaving her in the hospital that evening, but I was thankful my Aunt Cathy was able to sit with her all night.

Everyday since I saw her last Monday she has gotten better and better (Praise the Lord)! She has had every kind of test imaginable, and the doctors determined that she did NOT have heart attack or a stroke. She saw an infectious disease doctor who could not find an infection anywhere in her body. So, now the doctors are saying that she has dementia and confusion. They also discovered her heart is only working at about 25%, so still not the best of news, but at least she is back to talking and trying to do things for herself. I was able to get in to see her again this past Saturday with my mom, and as soon as we walked in my mom asked her if she knew who she was, and nanny said yes, you're my daughter Pam! So, mom asked her if she knew who I was and she said, yea...but I just don't know what your name is...she also said, I know you just had that beautiful baby boy! She told me, you always thought you wouldn't have children, and I always knew you would! One of the things she said to my mom and sister that has really stuck with me through this whole situation was when she looked at them both and said I'm saved! I know where I'm headed, and I'm about half-way there! My mom asked her, so you know you're going to heaven? She said, I sure do! I was so thankful to hear her say this! And it reminded me, that yes, when she does pass away, it's gonna hurt, and I will grieve and mourn the loss of her. But I have to remember that this isn't good-bye, with the way this world is going, it's more of a see-you-soon! I'm thankful that we will spend eternity together with our Saviour!

Over the weekend the decision was made to move her to a nursing home. Where she was moved is very close for my entire family to visit, and my little sister and niece both work at the facility, so that's comforting to all of us. My Nanny is not very happy to be in a nursing home, but she understands why it had to happen. We are all so afraid that she is going to go downhill quickly since she didn't get to go home. I hope not because I am not ready to lose her, but at the same time I have such a peace because I know that she will be with my grandfather, and all her brothers and sisters, and everyone else that has gone on before her. I have been listening to the hymn, "It Is Well With My Soul non-stop, every verse has so much meaning and power...


  1. I just found your blog - I'm so sorry to hear about your Nanny, I hope that she can find a new community of friends in this new home. How nice that your relatives work there, I am sure that will be so nice for your grandmother.

    1. Hi there! Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment! She has made a few friends, which has been wonderful to hear. We are very thankful that both my sister and niece work there, so getting to see them daily definitely brightens my Nanny's day!

  2. I lost my dear Gram last year, and the circumstances were very similar. She had lived alone for 3 years since my Gramps passed, and then one day my Uncle dropped by and found her bright yellow. She said she didn't want to burden any one, so she didn't tell anyone. (She was 90). It had only been a couple days since someone visited her, so whatever it was happened fast. My uncle brought her to the hospital and they found out she had pancreatic cancer and her liver was failing. She opted not to have treatments of any kind, so she moved into a nursing home. She didn't want to go, and we all worried it would be worse for her - but it actually wasn't. She lived well past what the doctors or any of us thought she would (a whole extra year!), and when she did go - we were so comforted that she would be with Grandpa in heaven (who she had missed dearly the last 3 years) that it made our grief so much easier.

    My advice is enjoy every moment you have with her, these women from this generation are far tougher than ours - they lived through so much more than us. And when the time comes, remember that she's off to a far better place and going to be with her love. Who would want anything less?

    My hearts with you, I know how scary this all is first hand. Luckily she'll be with your family at the nursing home, that will bring a bit of sunshine into the dreary hospital rooms for sure. I hope she lives a long time still!!

    I love that hymn. So beautiful.

    1. I am so sorry you lost your Gram! You are so right about the women of that generation being far tougher than ours! I love to just sit and listen to her tell stories of how things used to be, and what she went through during the Great Depression, and World War II.

      Every time I find myself feeling overwhelmed with sadness at the thought of her passing, I just remind myself that she has so many people waiting on her in heaven! She is one of those people who know more people on the other side than they do here. I find so much comfort in knowing that she will be with (most importantly) our Lord, and all her loved ones that have gone on before.

      Thank you for your kind comment, I appreciate it so much!

  3. So sorry to hear about your sweet nanny girl! So glad you have gotten to spend time with her and hope her time in the nursing home where you have family that works there! thinking about you! xoxo